Thou Swell, Our City
By Marli Murphy
Staff Writer
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Cowtown needs an image makeover, the powers that be tell us.
Oh, dear me. Seems the rest of the country's residents thinks of Kansas City - if they think of us at all - as a nondescript burg located in the cornfields of flyover states.
Chicago, Dallas and Denver: Now they conjure up lively images. Even St. Louis has the Arch. So folks who worry about these things for a living are scrambling to create a memorable image to boost awareness of our beloved city.
Well, I'm here to help. Let's start by renaming local points of interest to ratchet them up a notch - go upscale. For example, Crown Center will be billed as Crowné Centeré to give the shopping center a European flair. Add an "e" to the end of anything and its stock goes up.
And though we're not overly fond of the French these days, anything French sounds far more elegant than the mundanely Midwestern, right? So repeat after me: Le Jazz, Le Fountains, Le Barbecue, Le Chiefs, Le Royals. The capitalization of "le" will also lend an air of importance.
The Plaza is already plenty upscale, but you just can't be too careful when it comes to image. We'll call it La Country Club Plaza as a nod to its Spanish influence. Olé!
Ye Olde Truman Library and Ye Olde Union Station work, too, bringing Old World charm to mind.
"Brush Creek" sounds far too backwater, when you think about it, and it's certainly a locale that needs an image upgrade. Le Brush Canal, perhaps? Or Waterway Le Brushé.
Gussying up the monikers of nearby cities will be necessary, too. Le Gladstone. El Raytown. Ye Olde Overland Park. Tonganoxié. You get the drift.
The very name Kansas City tends to confuse outsiders because they don't realize KC is in Missouri or that there's also a Kansas City, Kan. Therefore, organizations and institutions with "Kansas City" in the title should change their names to be more lyrical: the Bovine City Ballet, the Mooville Symphony, the Steaktown Art Institute.
All this highfalutin image-making should really put Kansas City on the map, don't you think?
Actually, I think not.
Why so many Kansas Citians have an inferiority complex about our fair mini-metropolis has never made sense to me. Don't get me wrong; I'm no city ambassador. KC certainly has its faults, like any other place. One example: You can slice the humidity with a Ginsu knife by mid-July.
But all in all, it's a beautiful city and an affordable place to live, with fabulous places to eat, a cultural life other towns our size envy and pro sports teams.
Did you see the national "sustainability" survey released this month? It measured and compared quality-of-life issues like air and water quality, traffic congestion, housing affordability and the like, along with environmentally friendly growth. (Read more at sustainlane.com) Kansas City ranked 18th out of the 50 largest cities - right on the heels of San Diego, and well ahead of San Antonio, Phoenix, Dallas, Atlanta and Los Angeles.
Where did our neighbor and frequent rival, St. Louis, rank, you ask? Didn't even make the list, friends.
Maybe we should stop trying to make a silk purse out of a Cowtown and appreciate the swell place we've got.
Marli Murphy's column moved from the Sunday FYI section. It's now here each Saturday.
To reach Marli Murphy, a contributing columnist to FYI, send e-mail to smmurphy@ix.net.
